If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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