Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dignity is for republicans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
