My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I forget how to act sober
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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