i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
