I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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