I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
