I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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