Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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