I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
