I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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