i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
