your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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