the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
