Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
