the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
