Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
