I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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