i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
