So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
