I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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