this beer tastes like vomit already
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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