A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
