Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
