I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
