final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
