I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
