So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
