Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
