Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
