I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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