I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
