Nicole vs. Life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
