Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did i walk over a car last night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
