Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
