If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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