In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
