I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
