this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
