Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
