I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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