I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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