he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
