I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
