Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
