Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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