when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
