Banned from zoo.
Again?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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