guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
