He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
