I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
