Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
