K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
