I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This house was built for laser tag.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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